The Proudest Papa There Ever Was...

Love at first sight...

My dad...Will's Papa...passed away yesterday.....unexpectedly, from a heart attack...and I still don't honestly know all the details...

What I do know is that I am so heartbroken...and so overcome, that I don't know where else to turn but the keyboard....The written-word is always the best outlet for me. It helps me organize and clear my head in a way that talking never could.

It may seem weird to be blogging about this so soon--but I feel lost. Normally, when I feel like this--I call my dad....

I need to hear his voice so badly right now...I always do when I'm feeling sad or scared. I feel like I have to continue to talk to him--I know how much he liked to read whatever I wrote. I feel like it was my connection to him. He was a singer and songwriter and I sometimes hoped he saw my writing as my songs without the melody....

As an unabashed Daddy's Girl, I could go on and on about how hard this is and will be for me. My relationship with him was very full and very special. But what I'm having the hardest time with right now, is my loss for Will...

When I told my dad that I was pregnant with Will, he cried like a baby he was so thrilled for me (and partially, I know he just couldn't believe I was grown up enough for this to be possible!). When my pregnancy developed complications and the threat of losing Will was so very, very real, I know that the only person who took it as hard as Jeff and I did, was my dad. I remember him telling me that he laid on the ground, in the space between his bed and the wall, because it was the only place that felt as low as he did. It was also so hard for him because it was the first (and I think last) time that I didn't come to him first in my time of stress. I leaned on Jeff, which is how we all knew it should have been, and my dad was left to grieve alone.

He later told me another story....when I was pregnant, my dad became obsessed with buying my coming little one a metal pedal car. He says he just knew it was a boy, and he just had to buy him this car. There was one week during my pregnancy that the threat of losing Will was so close, that many people, including my dad, had thought that our baby had passed away. On that day, my dad, who was a courrier, was making a delivery to an office building, and he walked into the office and sitting there was one of these metal pedal cars that he wanted so badly to buy for my baby. When I talked with him later and he found out that our little one was still alive and kickin' he said he knew that was a sign that our little boy would live to drive that car. I wish everyone who knew him could have been there watching on Will's 1st birthday when his Papa presented him with his shiny yellow pedal tow truck....

I'm trying hard to remember all my blessings....my dad watched me fulfil many of the dreams he had for me...he walked me down the aisle at my wedding...he was able to watch me welcome Will into the world...he saw his 1st and 2nd birthdays and christmases...he saw Will learn to walk and heard him learn to talk. And just this past Saturday, for the first and only time he heard Will tell his Papa "yeaub you" ....love you....

Anyone who's talked with my dad will tell you that his conversations were always full of updates on his girls, and lately mostly of Will...

He was truly the happiest, most proud Papa there ever was...and I will try and go forward knowing how happy and full these last years were for him....

I love you Dad....I will think of you and miss you every single day for the rest of my life. I will not let your memory fade, and I will raise Will to know how much you loved him and how much you loved his mama.

Special Kid, Special Day

Since we'd had Will's birthday bash a couple of weeks before his actual big day, we spent the day quietly as a family. We had a fun afternoon at the Betty Brinn Children's Museum. This place is awesome, and PERFECT for a 2 year old who's just starting to get into the fun of pretending. His favorites were the bank (he wanted "my tickets, my tickets" aka money--I'm not sure why he calls money "tickets" but it cracks me up.), he loved the ramps that you rolled golf balls down and probably could have done that all day, and he was a big fan of the Harley exhibit with mismatched motorcycle parts--this kid is allll boy. :)

We went out for a quick lunch, which for Jeff is more stressful than fun, but we were one of 3 tables at Applebees, so I say, really, who cares. Will's favorite part was repeatedly releasing his balloon to the ceiling and saying "oops" as if it were an accident. A close second was his favorite mealtime treat-french fries--he really is my child!

We had a fun Elmo birthday cake in the evening with Grandma Hoppe, and Grandma & Papa Lloyd. However, the rendition of "Happy Birthday to You" makes Will hide under the table in embarrassment (he is Jeff's child too I guess! We all know I eat that attention up!).

It was a great to celebrate our baby turning TWO!

Trick or Treat

This year Trick-or-Treat was a whole new ballgame. With the boys all old enough to hit the streets, we took it a bit more seriously. We decided to go with a theme, and Sadie cleverly came up with The Wizard of Oz. We were even lucky enough to have a few brand-new girlies who were willing to step in as Dorothy and Glenda the Good Witch. I can't wait to see what next year brings with Teri's new baby Maggie and Jen's little Secret Name Mantei.

I will tell you--these boys sure got the hang of what Trick-or-Treating is! As soon as Will realized that each house brought more candy, he was sprinting down the streets. No time for wagons or strollers--this guy had to RUN!

I had to open the very first piece so he could eat it the rest of the trip or he would have been a basket-case.

Unfortunately it was only about 45 degrees with a howling wind, so we didn't make it too far, but for 1 and 2 year olds, I think it was sufficient!

We returned to Sadie's for a GOULISH feast of Mummy Pizzas, Dounught Eyeballs, Graveyard Dip, Tootsie Roll Shots (for the grownups), Mummy Hot Dogs & Jack-o-Lantern Fruit Cups! That girl really knows how to throw a Monster Bash! (she keeps me on my toes!! :))

The Great Pumpkin

Well, wouldn't you know it, on the day I probably WOULD have planned Will's party, it turns out to be 60 degrees--sheeeesh!!!

All's well that ends well I guess--having this day free led to a WONDERFUL day at the Pumpkin Farm!!! I'll say it again, this age of True Toddlerism is so fantastic because everything is just so fun! A tractor ride is thrilling, animals are mesmerizing, pumpkins are an intriguing and exciting new thing--so taking a 2 year old to the Pumpkin Farm is just like reliving your own first trip to the Pumpkin Farm. We spend 2 gorgeous, sunshiny hours checking out pumpkins, animals, painting pumpkins and just being silly as a family. It was awesome.

I love this time of year--everything smells so good, looks so beautiful and it now reminds me of the time of year that Will came into my life (I feel like he knew that October was just so much prettier than January!).

The Storm Before the Calm....

We so happily celebrated our little miracle's 2nd birthday this weekend, 10 days before his actual birthday.

I planned this party, oh-so-carefully, this early because
a.) I wanted it on a Sunday, because Jeff works Saturdays
b.) there was no Packer game this particular Sunday
c.) in hopes for warmer weather a few weeks early...

....yeah....so....it was approximately 40 degrees. Go figure. You think I'd learn about these outdoor parties with 50 people coming...no back up location....yeah....

Well, ANYway, the party was a huge success and I have so many people to thank for braving the cold, showering this most-spoiled boy with wonderful gifts, helping me put the last minute touches on the party, and sooo much more.

I'm glad we had this crazy, over-the-top day for my special guy a little early, because I now have just 9 short days to wipe the tears from my eyes as I watch my baby transform into a toddler...who walks, talks, jokes and pretends....who knows what he wants and how to ask for it...who knows who he loves and how to show them....who knows how to light up any and every room...

But who may never know just how much I love him....because there is no word strong enough and no birthday party grand enough to show him how special he is to me. Each night I put him to bed a little sad that the special day we shared is over yet so excited to greet the next one with him.

FINALLY!!!

I can finally, finally, FINALLY say that Will is an OFFICIAL and true WALKER!! He's been taking steps for quite a few months now, but I knew I wouldn't feel right telling people he was really and truly walking until he could stand himself up without pulling up on something.

About a month ago, our temporary Physical Therapist told me that she didn't think Will was physically capable of standing himself up--2 weeks later he did exactly that right in front of her for the first time!! Her reaction was slim to none--imagine my irritation with her!

This has opened up a whole world for all of us. So many people said for so long "be careful what you wish for!" when it came to walking, and I don't feel that way at ALL! He's become so much happier and less frustrated since it's all come together. The Zoo seems more exciting--so much land to roam! The backyard, however, seems smaller (to him) but I think bigger (to me--or maybe I'm just more tired???). Playdates are a whole new world--he can join in on the fun, throwing balls, chasing, getting into trouble, ya know, the works! :)

Most of all, when people ask me, "How's Will doing", instead of "oh, pretty good, still working on the walking....", I just respond with a triumphant "GREAT!!!!"

Yackity Yack--He's Talking Back!

Will's vocabulary has exploded in the last couple of weeks. He was really sick all last week and didn't have too much to say, and now it's almost like he spent those lazy days mentally studying all the things I say, because my phrases are now his phrases. He's hysterically now trying out:
"Aw Man!"
"Oh Boy!"
"I Don't Know" (sounds more like "I neyo neyo!?")
"Yep" and "Yeah"
"All Gone"
"All Done"

He's really good with: Eat, More, Mama, Dada, Buh-Bye, Hi, Up, Down, Out, Horse, Kitty, Dog, Cookie, No, Hot, Ball, Please, Eyes, Na-Nigh (night, night), Milk, Ba-Ba, Ook (nuk) and Aag (rag), Home, Baby, Mickey, Ah-Pa! (Grandpa) & Poop. :)

He likes to watch "A-Basssse" (Baseball) and loves "MoMo" or "Ahhh-Mo" (Elmo). He commands Jeff and I to "Bawww! Bawww!" (Bowl--on the Wii) and can't get enough of "Ahsiiiyed! Ahsiiiiyed!!!" (Outside).

He's tried out "Oh Tarter Sauce!" (he learned this from my aunt and mother--I think it's supposed to be a swear substitute?) On that note, I'm not too proud to admit that he also throws out "Aww, Shit"......